Jone Larreta Childhood Teaching Degree University School Villanueva (Madrid) and Bachelor of Pedagogy and Psychology for Basque Country University.
Professor of Child for three years in Eskibel .
1. WHAT IS MEANT BY DISCIPLINE? -
- The exercise of authority, not authoritarianism, with rules and limits are enforced, in organized settings, where at all times know what is expected and what is expected of them with routines, patterns and habits that are working every day to make children responsible and obedient, able to differentiate good and evil, therefore, able to decide
- The rules and limits are necessary and providing security and protection ( worse for children is developed in contexts where it is not known what is expected, where there is no limit and everything is permitted, since in these contexts, children learn to differentiate between good and evil, precisely because all tolerated and consents), guide the child to have clear criteria on certain things and teach your child to learn to give up their wishes. Thus, we are taught to learn to tolerate and overcome the frustration, the child since childhood has to feel the frustration, take "no" answer to be forging a strong character.
- Since little is marked on the children's lives timetables, guidelines and routines, for example in the sleeping and eating. Thus, it is helping to organize the interior through an organized external environment. Right from the moment it is making a discipline .- The discipline is also needed in coexistence with others, not only in the family. Parents send their children out of concern for them and they have a moral obligation to obey not because they send it to form a mature and responsible: not of equal status as parents are in another level . Parents can not be matched to the children because the relationship is established between them would be on an equal footing and this is not to be so by acting as a guide to parents as role models, as models of authority.
2. OBEDIENCE
- Obedience is a virtue that must be worked daily as a habit, so in this way the children take ownership and be part of his character.
- When working obedience is not only working on the assumption of rules, in compliance and also assume the consequences of transgression, but also is affecting the self, responsibility (knowing how to decide and choose : no liability if you have not learned to obey), humility (the tyrant is someone who just wants to exalt his ego ...).
- The fact obedience work does not mean you want freedom for the children, but have to assume that there is not only freedom but also the other people around, they have to respect freedoms.
- Children and adolescents, for their own safety since they do not have the experience and wisdom necessary, should feel that their parents are in charge.
3. DISOBEY WHY? SOME disobedience
-To call our attention, if only receive punishment or reprimands.
- Period of detición (about a year and a half, two years).
- not attending to what is asked because it is aware of other activity .- To be getting too many orders at once: for example, "includes the chair," "Leaving the dough in place" and "sit on the mat ".
- Do not understand what he is told, for example, "you have to behave." Where, how and with whom?
- Being accustomed to always do for him what he is told to be impatient, not having "problems" do better and faster ...
- Knowing that parents are going to repeat the request several times before they are made to perform it.
4. WHAT CAN BE DONE? DISCIPLINE AND LIMITS. DEMAND WITH AFFECTION
- Have clear objectives of what was intended when it educates.
- Leading by example to have moral force and prestige.
- Set realistic standards, adjusted, to be able to perform.
- explain clearly what are the positive and negative consequences of our actions .- How simple, understandable and reasonable for them, ie, specific requests, in which the behavior is clear to follow. Specific things to teach clearly. It is important to specify the behavior expected of him and, if possible, to show it.
- Giving a rational number of statements and say them one at a time.
- offers two options that lead to the same result and they will choose one of them instead of giving orders or ask questions.
- Explain the reasons why they are required or forbidden to do something.
- Exposing positively the result of proper behavior to motivate our child to accomplish what more it costs or to assimilate a new behavior. It is important to comply with the agreement.
- Consistency between the message (oral language) and nonverbal language, ie, the gesture, the attitude ... This will not create confusion in children.
- Reward when you obey our order or request, and never before. The more immediate the reward, the more effect it will have. Rewards will get used to not only emotional and material.
- Relying on children.
- Acting and flee from the speeches. Once the child knows what to do and not do, will have to act accordingly and thus increase our authority.
- Recognize your mistakes. Nobody is perfect, the parents either. The recognition of an error the parents give the child security and comfort and encourage you to make decisions even if they can make mistakes, because mistakes are not failures.
5. If they continue to disobey, SOME TIPS ...
- Count to five out loud to understand that it is waiting to do what is asked. If at this time the child has not obeyed, without raising his voice or argue, you are guided by hand to do the assigned.
- When children disobey "blatantly" not lose control. Resorting to the technique known as "time out" was not accused of anything or discuss with him. You will be sent only to a room or a corner where it can not entertain for a short period of time. The recommendation is to stay there many minutes older the child. Have a moment to reflect on what has angered parents and to reconsider.
- verbal reprimand, if disobedience involves danger to the child or others (across the street, put your fingers on the plug, etc.), With a strong voice and energetic, you say, "no ! or "Enough!" . If necessary, physically stop their action.
6. WHAT NOT TO DO?
- The excessive permissiveness. It is impossible to educate without intervening. The child, when born, are not aware of what is good or what is bad.
- Yield after saying "no." Once you have decided to act, the first rule of thumb to observe is that of NO. The "no" can not negotiate. Firmness is fundamental that children perceive that parents do not hesitate.
- Inconsistency between the father and mother
- authoritarianism. Is the other extreme of permissiveness. The child is trying to do everything that the father want to cancel your personality. Pursued only by obedience obedience .- Aggression. Scream. Losing their temper. In addition, all get used to it. The child also gets used to the cries of those increasingly less appropriate. The worst thing a child to get used to this kind of response is that it incorporates, and he becomes aggressive.
- Failure to comply with promises and threats. Every unfulfilled promise or threat is a bit of authority that is on the road. The promises and threats must be realistic, ie easy to apply.
Lack of negotiation. This is authoritarianism and abuse of power, and hence confinement.
- Lack of attention when we speak. Many parents complain that their children do not listen. And the problem is that they have not ever heard their children .- Require immediate success. Often, parents give them some fits of impatience with the children. Bear in mind always taught that no one is born, and all require a learning period with their corresponding errors.
- Inconsistency: in education, which is prevalent every day. Any learning takes time, and plus those related to the formation of character and personality.
- confuse discipline with firmness and authoritarianism, "I told you not because I say so." These actions do not help anything to be a responsible personality since nothing is said about the behavior, if it is correct or not. .. People who have lived under this kind of contexts are people muted, subdued, unable to choose or decide.
